Good Evening, I thought I would write today's blog about how I am trying ('trying' being the operative word) to cure my depression and anxiety. I don't think my mental health has been on top form for a while now, and if you know me, you would probably agree. I am naturally a very emotional person, and all things considered I do think I've done quite well to steer away from a medical professional diagnosing me with any mental illness, until now.
It didn't come as a shock when I was told, but it wasn't a relief either. When I first lost the baby I felt fine, like the initial shock hadn't set in. It wasn't until a month later that I began to feel anxious about everything, I couldn't go to the shop alone, drive, or even leave the house and having a 12 week wait for counselling, I thought it was time to do something myself. Personally, I don't think medication is the way forward for me (and I completely understand why and how it helps people), but I know what's wrong with me and even though it would 'take the edge off', I wanted to do this for myself. So I have compiled a list of what is helping me get through the day, week and months.
1. Giving Myself Responsibility
5 days after I gave birth, we got a dog. Obviously, this isn't a solution for everyone, dogs are expensive and time consuming, but, for me it seemed that all of my maternal instincts manifested into caring for Meg. Meg is a collie x huntaway so she is SUPER high energy and needs training, walks and mental stimulation. She got me out of the house. Unfortunately, she also has bad anxiety, so we have to keep her on a lead, with a ball and a whistle on us at all times. To other dog owners this must seem like hell, but Meg is a sweetheart. She cuddles me when I'm sad, and she makes me laugh so much. I have found a best friend in her.
Remember, I am not telling you to go out and buy an animal, but maybe giving yourself a bit of responsibility is a good thing. This can be things such as, committing yourself to a deadline, volunteering (I tried this) and looking after a plant.
(Please see the photo at the bottom of my fur baby)
2. Getting Back Into the Gym
I am not a gym girl, and I never have been and I probably never will be. Before I got pregnant I super got into CrossFit, it was the only type of exercise I've actually ever enjoyed, and over the span of 5 weeks I became more fit than I ever had been. I then had the miscarriage so I stopped.
I have started going to the gym again, and began doing the exercises I enjoy. Physical exercise releases the 'good chemicals', serotonin and dopamine which help us feel better, not only this but doing strenuous activity mimics the responses that come with anxiety, essentially training our brains to adapt to those anxious feelings . By getting up, getting dressed and engaging in some sort of movement won't seem like much to others, but for us that is a massive accomplishment and doing so can really help us psychologically (and physically).
For anyone who wants to see what type of workouts, I use @grizz_phys on instagram, or www.wodwell.com.
Go for a walk, doesn't have to be long, just something to get those good chemicals circulating.
3. Telling My Story
Writing this blog has helped me massively. I was told to write a journal, and yeah I tried, but quite honestly I hated it. I struggle to write to nobody, knowing that nobody will ever read my notepad, and quite selfishly, I want to be heard .So I decided to start a blog, it's not massive, and I'm not even sure if its helping anyone, but someone somewhere is reading it.
Now, you don't have to write a blog, or a journal. Do what you enjoy to get those feelings out, whether that be art, writing, or dance. You are on this journey so do it your way.
4. Be Emotional
Let yourself cry.
SETBACKS
I wouldn't be telling the truth if I said this is me everyday, trying everything to get back on track. It's not true, some days I eat rubbish food,I don't go to the gym, my husband will walk the dog because I am so completely drained. What I (and probably you too) need to remember, is that, setbacks are okay. We have lost a child, the most unimaginable thing, of course there will be days that you feel like shit. Don't be so hard on yourself (that's you too Beth).
Thank you for reading, I hope this has helped a little bit. If you haven't noticed already there is a forum now where you can share your stories, so feel free to use it. I want to create a community that is a safe space for everyone.
Love and light xx
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